Feminine

Cath age 18, June 2008. Grand Tetons National Park, Wyoming.

Happy birthday Manny! Hope you have fun at your pre-birthday drinking fest ;D

Since he briefly touched on masturbation (or, atleast referenced it in the best quote ever)- "I find crying a good release of tension...a lot like wanking just less fun and more accepted if you do it in public." I thought I'd briefly touch on it as well. Not sure if I touched on it earlier (probably did), masturbation freaks me out a little, so it was suggested to me by my SL mate, Kyr, that I should just imagine masturbating as a girl with girl organs and everything. I have yet to try it out but I have tested it out briefly, and its certainly promising :)

Earlier this week I had some self doubts about if I reeeeally could pull off passing as a girl... you know, the usual gist. But that feeling was kicked in the head when a good friend of mine said that theres a lot of difference between passing and being an airbrushed model. This, of course is true. I don't really need to look like one of those models- they're essentially fake, and besides, my main goal with doing all of this is to feel better about myself- to hell with anyone who says that I look like a dude in a dress. As long as I'm happy and as long as I have limbs to beat the crap out of anyone who says that (in a very lady-like way), I'll make it in this world just fine :D

Going off of this tangent, I just got back from my counselor meeting today, and it was promising. I've been going to the same woman since my freshman year, so I've been seeing her nearly every week for about 2 years now. She commented that I look... better. She said I looked more feminine in my facial expressions -my eyes are more open, I smile more, my body language is different, and my face looks more relaxed- and I just look happier. That really made me happy ^_^

I showed her my school ID from my freshman year. I doubt she'd remember how I looked. In the photo I have extremely short hair and a goatee. You can see an example of this in the blogpost... and to be honest it is one of my favorite photos of myself, despite the situation in which it was taken (sucky vacation).

Anyway, we made some basic headway in terms of my gender identity and the possibility that my parents may have actually given me a choice as to what gender I wanted to be. That or my mother just threw out contradictory statements ...like saying that my waistline is exactly where the female waistline is, or commenting about something similarly in this fashion. I don't want to get too far into it, but I do have a suspicious scar 3 inches above my genitals and runs about 7 inches long. My parents have said that it was a hernia, but the scars simply don't match with any other hernia scars which I have seen, so... yeah. I suspect tomfoolery. Perhaps I'm actually inter-sexed. I honestly don't know.

For you people who think 'Omg, she just gave away personal info about herself on the internets!'... I simply don't care. If your looking at this post, then me or Manny linked you to it, meaning that your cool in our eyes ;D

In other news, I managed to find a three-pack of sports bras for about $10 online, and I also purchased a woman's wallet, due to the fact that my old wallet just bit the dust. Its a male wallet, but it still functioned alright, and it did cost my grandparents a pretty penny when I graduated back in 2008. The seams are ripping, and, well its overall round in shape. I'm hoping to get something thinner.

I just started another Dungeons and Dragons game too. We had to make character sheets over at a friends house and we just did the awkward introductions. One thing that kinda bothered me was that I generally play female characters (duh), but this time I wasn't allowed to. The comment "Play as your own genders" just threw me for a loop. Surely the GM meant "SEX", not gender... but gender is listed on the character sheets... so, I donno. I have to play as a guy, and overall I'm a bit bored about it. If I'm going to play a game, I'm going to escape the world, not live my life as a seafaring ranger with monks and magic users upon his ship >.>

I kinda get the point. Saves confusion when referring to people in the correct pronoun. But STILL.

Till next adventure!
-Cath