OK..it's been a long time.

First off I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to post. I could go on about how I've been busy and such but I haven't really. Not busy enough to take about 10 minutes out of my day to write a quick blog post. Mostly I've either been actually busy, distracted or down about things.

Lets start from the beginning. Ok.

So I told Nigel....and I told my Mum.

My mum took it stupidly awesomely well. I mean REALLY well. She just said if it was gonna make me happy then so be it. Since then we've had a couple of good conversations about it.

Nigel didn't take it as great as Mum did. Can you blame him though? At first he just went quiet and didn't talk about it. Then a few days later he prompted up "Well it's either me or the transition." Which pissed me off no-end. To be honest I didn't want to be the one making the decision because it left both our happiness in my hands. And I get so frustrated when I'm left to make all the decisions but "He just wants to make me happy!" Sounds noble and caring and shit but when all you want is for that other person to be happy but you don't KNOW what will make them happy you're always the bad guy. The bad guy for no reason because they are too scared to make their own decision or to talk about things so both people are happy.

Hope that made sense. I sort of rage when that subject comes up.

Anyway a few weeks later and me and Nigel hadn't been very talkative and we both knew it. It all came out in a bit of a deep talk/argument when Nigel finally told me how he was feeling and I was finally able to express myself without him not wanting to listen. He kept on saying how I wasn't who I use to be, the girl he use to have fun with. I told him I'd rather die then go back to being that way. The scared person who could only do anything if he was there helping me. It was raised that if I was unhappy then it made him feel I was unhappy with him. To be honest I was only happy when I was with him. I couldn't stand my own company back then as I can now. I feel more confident to act the way I want to act in public now. Well I would more when I can afford a better binder that actually holds down everything.

It came to the fact that he didn't find me attractive as a male. Which is fine. I don't want to hear this bollocks that I'm not the same as I use to be. In a way I'm not but I still hold all my good traits and I've gained confidence with it. He wanted 5% . Meaning just once in awhile I would put on a bra, dress as a girl and be his girlfriend. Which...is...FINE! Jesus Christ why did it take about a month to get that out! It does mean that I won't be able to go any further in the transition as I am now I love my boyfriend and I need and want him in my life. Meaning that I have to slap on a bra and some make up every blue moon then I'm fine. It's not what I want...but I want to give something back to him after he's done so much for me.

After the talk we had an awesome weekend together. I'm gonna start another post but things seem all good now :)